A problem shared is a problem doubled – and a problem shared among 3.4k peers creates solidarity.
Today, 124 Canberran mums, and counting, share stories from every point of motherhood, spotlighting conversations ranging from breastfeeding challenges to miscarriage.
Jas and Chrissy, who both experienced loss during their first pregnancy, were shocked by the silence surrounding miscarriage and vowed to challenge the stigma through their platform.
Moms sat down with CW to understand why the stigma surrounding miscarriage does not support support from the moms who need it most.
What is the probability of miscarriage?
Chrissy: “When I was trying to get pregnant, I did my research everythingand never once did I even consider the possibility of a miscarriage – because I just didn’t know it was that common.
I eat: “There are numbers every fourth. This is not uncommon. The fact that it has a stigma when it’s so common is just mind boggling. I was one in four friends and I didn’t know anything about it.
“You don’t know anything about a miscarriage, what comes before it and what happens after, until it happens to you or someone close to you, and I think that’s funny.
“If we start talking about it more, remove that stigma, there will be more people willing to explain to young women that this is something that can happen to them. It’s not something you want to prepare for, but it’s a reality you have to deal with when you’re trying to have a baby.
“It is very unfortunate that this is a common occurrence; I know I was in such a dark place when I was going through this, but once more people talk about it, there will be more insight into this dribble [trickle] effect”.
Chrissy: “It often takes one person to open up and talk about it.”
Why do I feel so alone in my loss?
Chrissy: “Miscarriage is one of the greatest things that can happen to you in terms of grief and loss, and you shouldn’t feel like you have to go through it alone.”
I eat: “I asked what was wrong with me. Why did this happen to me? Why doesn’t this happen to other people? It wasn’t until I decided to talk about it that I realized it was happening all around me. It’s not just a number.
“There are all these things like, “Don’t announce you’re pregnant until you’re 12 weeks because that’s the riskiest part of pregnancy.”
Chrissy: “The 12 week rule is interesting, isn’t it? Obviously, many people don’t want to share the news because they’re protecting themselves, but when you lose a child, the same people you shared the news with will help you get through that loss. For me, the 12-week rule immediately tells me that if something bad happens, I don’t have to tell anyone.’
I eat: “When I found out about it with the first potato, I announced it was five weeks. I was so happy! Because we tried, and this was the first attempt – the first child. Then a week later I found out that it was a miscarriage.
“I actually texted my friend, ‘I’m so sorry. I am so embarrassed to send this message. I should not have taken up arms.’ And how funny is that?! I felt I should apologize.
“I believe the pressure comes from the way we are raised as women, through society, through sex education; “Don’t have sex, you’ll get pregnant!”
“We are brought up to think that our bodies are naturally designed to bear children. We are not taught that there will be differences in our bodies that we cannot help. Low egg count, early menopause, endometriosis all affect fertility.
“What worries me is that one in four of us aren’t taught, we aren’t taught that women have different ways of having babies and it’s okay if you have to do IVF. All they taught us was how to put a condom on a banana.’
Anything to make me feel better?
I eat: “We can probably come up with a whole list of things not to say to someone who’s had a miscarriage, like, ‘Oh, at least you’ve had a miscarriage now’ or ‘You’ve already had a healthy miscarriage.’
Chrissy: “People who haven’t gone through it often don’t know how to approach this issue, so they think it’s better not to.” But the more you talk about it, the more people understand how you can help.”
I eat: “The first conversation that really helped me was when I went for a walk with one of my best mates, who I knew didn’t ask repetitive questions or feel like they needed constant reassurance. She was there to just listen.
“The other was talking to my partner because I didn’t realize the extent of it affected him too.
“He was working in the mines when it happened, so I was alone for another month before he came home. When he came home and we were able to talk about how we were both hurting, we realized that we didn’t have to go through this alone. We were in this together.”
Chrissy: “For me, it was with a couple of my friends who had a miscarriage. Something that caught my eye was one friend who sent the quote, “The only way through this is through this.”
“That’s really what kept me going. You just have to weather the storm and you will be go to the other side.”
Looking for a community to share with at any stage of your mommy journey? Visit cbrmamas.com
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